*Hang Five! or (I’m Artificial)


*Hang Five!

Ain’t got enough love?
Want more out of life?

Excuse me while I kiss the sky,
Hang Five!

Where the artificial gods ride at the artificial rodeo,
And even artificial prophets
Strung out by artificial profiteering,
Leap from stages
Built from artificially barbed, smoke,
And ascetically sweet,
Yet artificially manufactured, wood, burning, fragrantly,
Wafting, inward,

“Everything about our new cologne stands up and shouts, ‘I’m Artificial!’”

(Next 4 verses to be sung to the melody of the song, “I Did it My Way”
Made famous by Frank Sinatra),

Artificial love,
My sweet dream drift,
With eyes that shine
So bright,
Come meet me,

Artificial light,
I hold your hair,
When you throw-up,
Please don’t mistreat me,

Artificial moon
You rise so soon
Touching my soul,
So artificial,

Artificial life,
My heart’s on fire,
Don’t ever die,
I’m Artificial… (end music)

Artificial decides, nature guesses,
Artificial imbibes, nature sips,
Artificial discovers, nature obeys,
Artificial quips, nature moans,
Artificial innovates, nature shows,
Artificial lives, nature dies, sorry ma.

Vote the “Artificial Nature Party” in your next election!
Go “Artificial!”

And remember,
The powerful new mood enhancing agent from Aqua Velvet,
Named “Hang Five”,
Just one sniff of its powdery, fragrant mist
And you’ll feel like the real “Artificial Man” you once were,
(Specifically Formulated to Attract Artificial Women)
And by then?

You’ll be squeezing the world by it’s artificial nuts,

Just where it should be,
In the vice grip of your
Welcoming, but mostly fake, artificial hands,

He said,
“I’m having a hard time distinguishing between what’s real
And what’s artificial,”

She said,
“Please tell us something we didn’t already know,”

    All this, and more, in today’s addition of “ARTIFICIAL MAN”*

*Brought to you by ARTIFICIAL MAN Deer Musk deodorant spray,
One whiff and you’re hooked.  And by that classic men’s fragrance, “Hang Five”.
(Poesy of this ilk is by nature artificial and is void where prohibited by law).
 *Hang Five, to ride a surfboard with the weight of the body forward and the
toes of the forward foot curled over the front edge of the surfboard. Or to
attempt to balance, but eventually jump off a barrel dock at Powell’s Pond backwards.

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