Eggplants

egg

Eggplants

I’ve been cracking myself up lately,
It’s new,
Ever since I slipped backwards
And hit the back of my head on the blacktop in February,
Traditionally I don’t even smirk at anything I do,
Now I think I’m hilarious, to the point
Where I buckle my own knees,
And become a little embarrassingly spastic in public,
I try to hide it as best I can,
But there’s no hiding grips of laughter,

Like this morning,
I let myself go,
I just got my check
And I wanted an Egg McMuffin, one of my weaknesses,
A rare treat, along with a big coffee,

When I got in there
My eyes went straight to a beautiful girl server,
Unusual, out of place beauty,
I say girl, but she was really a woman,
Girl to me,

I beamed in on her, as is my wont,
One of my powers,

She neglected my beam, strategically,
Even though she felt it,
But it didn’t matter
I just couldn’t get my consciousness off her incongruent beauty,
Thinking, even if she doesn’t like me,
I need to know more about her,

I have a classical sense of a woman’s beauty,
I can sense it a mile away,
I can sense her coming,
I can sense that one of a kind elegance,
I looked all over her as she worked,
I scoured her for imperfections
And couldn’t find any,
Perfect hair, perfect makeup,
Perfect features, perfect clothes fitting perfectly,
Perfect posture, graceful presence,
It just was too incongruent,
What is she doing working at McDonalds?
Something’s wrong,
To me, she had a model’s beauty,
To me, I felt that
If she worked at it
She could be an actress, or something more
That was what I was seeing, a model
But she was only about 5′ 4″,
She needed to be taller,

So when she handed me my order
I said to her,
“What’s a model like you doing in a place like this?”
I thought it was hilarious
And my knees buckled with laughter,
And I became momentarily spastic,

She thought it was funny too,
She actually laughed for a second and a half,
Not just a polite giggle
But, her beauty really surpassed most model’s beauty,

She gave me an extra potato crunch
Or whatever they are, that I didn’t order,
Which I later took a bite of
And it was filled with oil
So I had to throw it away,
But when she gave me my coffee,
I felt she wanted me to stroke her fingers,
But I didn’t because I don’t do that anymore
Unless I mean business,
I don’t want to give anyone, including myself
False hopes unless I mean business,
So I couldn’t touch her fingers,

But I noticed her brown fingernail polish,
Not a gaudy magenta, again, unusual, incongruent,
Something’s out of place,
What am I not seeing here?

The way my mind works
Is that I equated the brown with the root chakra (yoga)
You know, the rectum,
The chakra of fear,

I thought to myself
Maybe she’s a woman who likes rectal coitus,
Which I can take or leave,
Whatever makes her happy is my philosophy,
I’ve been both places
In the whirlwind of lovemaking,
But generally speaking
I’m a front door man,
A hell of a lot more interesting,
To me at least,

But I’m a married man,
Granted, married to a woman I’ve never met,
But she told me I’m her husband,
And I told her she’s my wife,
All this in the ethers,
Though we’ve yet to consummate our marriage,
Betrothed, I guess you would say,
Something old fashioned
And not heard of these days
But romantic as hell
And when you’re married to a woman you love,
And committed,
You have to be faithful
Or you ruin everything,
I try to make faithfulness and commitment fun again,
Unlike the old days
When I made terrible mistakes that I’m still paying for,
And it’s cruel to lead a woman down the primrose path
To nowhere,

I’m under contract to GOD in my writing,
I’m released in the Fall
When I’ll travel across country to meet her
To begin our paradise,
But until then
GOD seems only interested in squeezing every drop of poetry he can
From my eggplants,

Something tells me
If I go back to McDonalds tomorrow
She won’t be there,
I think she was just a test,
I don’t believe I’ll ever see her
Again,
At least on this plane of consciousness.

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