Suits have a fascinating way of reproducing themselves

I think they are actually one celled animals
That reproduce through fission like amoebas

I went to a suit reproduction hatchery
Called J.C. Pennyʼs

There, many suits were moving about
And unhatched suits were hanging everywhere
And hosts for these unhatched suits
Browsed around yearningly,

There was a suit there
That knew all there was to know about suits,
And turned me into a suit in no time,

It was like giving childbirth without labor

I take a 42 portly

What the hell does ʻportlyʼ mean?

Does it mean youʼre shaped like a port?
If so, which port?
Does it mean youʼre as big as a port, or what?

I think whenever an American
Wants to say something derogatory, but civilized
They start using words as if they were in England
Which usually makes it sound even more derogatory,

You wouldnʼt hear anyone in America say
“Gene is looking rather portly these days”.
No. Theyʼd say something like, “Geneʼs getting fat”,
Or, “Gene youʼre putting on a little weight, arenʼt you?”

Now that Iʼm a suit
I think Iʼm going to be a celibate suit
Or have a vasectomy, or something

I just donʼt feel right
About bringing any more suits into this world.

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