Dead While Still Alive
Last night you showed me
A magnificent golden sunset on one side of the sky,
And a beautiful, full rainbow on the other,
Is this supposed to lessen the tragedy
You’ve let befall me?
Now that I can no longer feel?
What a joke!
What a good sense of humor you have!
To flaunt your wondrous beauty,
And leave me with no one to share it with;
No emotions to enjoy it with,
I should have raped your precious gift of Life
When I had the chance!
Instead I listened to you!
And now life mocks me from the grandstand,
A perpetual jeer!
And I have become a pariah;
An aberration to the world,
Scorned and emasculated,
You expect me to smile and be happy;
Forget the whole thing and move on.
Well isn’t that nice and convenient for you,
And whoever else is sick of listening to my complaints,
What do you end up doing with refuse like myself?
Do you sweep us up into your omnipotent dust pan
And re-process us into the mishmash of existence?
Do you divvy us out to become the derelicts of society?
If so, do we have a choice? Homelessness, imprisonment,
Sexual deviation, drug addiction, institutionalization?
Or do you just keep us silently shackled,
Dead to life and love; one of the many nameless automatons
Walking the streets the same as everyone else,
But with a slight, yet telling deadness in the eyes;
That subtle frown that fixes itself like a permanent mask;
That cemented expression; that distant look, speaking of wounds
That have never quite healed, and never quite will,
I used to believe in triumph and victory,
I used to yell it from the rooftops!
But triumph and victory are for those who are still alive.
You’ve made sure of my death,
How hilarious it is
That you fully expect me to keep functioning
Within decimation and ruin,
You even go so far as to present me with
What appears to be opportunities to escape,
Knowing full well that I am a dead man, behind bars,
But taunting me just the same,
Life and death are no concern of mine,
Sooner or latter you’ll discover that
The door to your jail cell was never really locked.
Lifetimes of penance are sometimes needed
To sever the bonds of illusion, to turn the key,
Death within life gives one the opportunity
To see the world as it really is;
A terrible and wonderful place,
Lifetimes have been sacrificed for the degree of detachment
You take for granted,
Try to enjoy the advantages
Of being dead while still alive.